Delve Into Lunacy

There is a site called ChaCha.com that is essentially a search engine but with humans helping to get the most relevant search results instead of just relying on a behind the scenes algorithm to do it. Currently the majority of their traffic is from people submitting SMS text messages from cell phones and then getting an answer back in a text message.

Back in the day however, it was just desktop browser based and when you submitted a search it would then take you to a chat window where it would assign you a guide and the two of you could talk while they were searching for an answer. So when we first found the site we were asking random stupid questions and keeping copies of the chat results. It’s probably things like this that caused them to remove the chatting feature as an option.

These are sorted from least to most entertaining. Enjoy!

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Question: How to perform a California steamroller?

Status: Looking for a guide …
Status: Connected to guide: Cherryl L
Cherryl L: Welcome to ChaCha!
Cherryl L: Hi one moment please while I search that for you.
You: thank you
You: how you doing today?
Cherryl L: Im fine thank you here is one result for you to look over while I look for more
You: nope…that’s real estate related
Cherryl L: Can you give me some more information for your search?
Cherryl L: Im not finding anything for you in a timely fashion one moment I will transfer you.
You: okay
Transfer: You are being transfered to another guide who can help you search even better!
Looking for guide …
Status: Guide not located.

Result: Essentially I was hung up on.

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Question: Amount of pressure required to crush the human skull.

Status: Looking for a guide …
Status: Connected to guide: StaceyC
StaceyC: Welcome to ChaCha!
StaceyC: Hello
You: heya stacey
You: how’s it going?
StaceyC: Please be more specific as to what you’re looking for on this topic.
You: we’re debating how much force it requires to basically break the skull
You: not sure that helps much. wasn’t real sure what to search on
StaceyC: Let me see what I can find.
You: cool
StaceyC: Thanks for being patient! Rest assured I’m finding the most relevant results for your search.
You: no problem
You: thanks for looking
You: the guide search on Cha-Cha underground not work?
StaceyC: I don’t know - Haven’t been on today.
You: k. we were trying to find a guide from a couple weeks back that we really liked named JosephV
You: doesn’t return any results so I tried your name and that returns no results as well
StaceyC: Sorry, don’t know him.
You: oh well.
You: how’s the search going?
StaceyC: I’m having a little trouble.
You: doh
StaceyC: Let me see if I can transfer you to another guide who might have more experience in this area.
Transfer: You are being transfered to another guide who can help you search even better!
Looking for guide …
Status: Connected to guide: KENDRAB
You: heya kendra. how’s it going?
KENDRAB: Welcome to ChaCha!
KENDRAB: good how about you
You: i’m well thanks
You: did stacey let you know what we were trying to find?
KENDRAB: what can I search for you today
You: we’re trying to resolve a debate on how much pressure is required to crush a human skull
You: not real sure what to search on for that though
KENDRAB: sure
KENDRAB: Welcome to ChaCha! Please wait a moment while I search for your results.
You: thanks
You: i’m guessing the pressure varies based on the thickness of the skull, but anything generic will work
KENDRAB: Thanks for being patient! Rest assured I’m finding the most relevant results for your search.
You: no problem
You: how’s the search going?
KENDRAB: found your answer
You: cool
You: what’s the answer?
KENDRAB: 1 second
KENDRAB: 1400lbs to break a human skull
You: sweet
You: more than i would have guessed
KENDRAB: 2000psi to crush it
You: cool. thanks for finding that.
KENDRAB: did you get the site
KENDRAB: Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?
You: nah…that will do it
KENDRAB: Is this your first time using cha cha
You: nah
KENDRAB: oh ok have a nice day
You: do i get something free if it is?
KENDRAB: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.

Result: First guide was zero help but the second one found exactly what was needed.

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Question: How to become a Pastafarian?

Status: Looking for a guide …
Status: Connected to guide: HeatherS
HeatherS: Welcome to ChaCha!
HeatherS: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.
You: hi there heather. how is your day going so far?
HeatherS: How to become what?
HeatherS: I am good and you?
You: a pastafarian
You: it’s a follower of the flying spaghetti monster
You: i’m doing well thanks
HeatherS: Ok are you for real?
You: yeah
You: why?
HeatherS: What does a flying spaghetti monster do?
You: it’s a parody god
HeatherS: Let see what we find!
HeatherS: Thanks for coming to ChaCha! Give me a moment while I do all your searching for you!
You: cool deal
You: where you guys based out of?
HeatherS: Our homes
You: sounds like a fun job
HeatherS: Yes it is fun
You: well, that site is related to the correct thing. supposedly there is a membership form somewhere though
HeatherS: ok let me keep searching
You: k
You: do you get to set your own hours at all?
You: cool…forgot i needed to buy that book at some point. hehe
HeatherS: ok still searching
You: k
HeatherS: is the last site the one you need?
You: no…but it was a good find
HeatherS: I appreciate your patience while I find exactly what you need.
You: no problem. thanks for helping out
HeatherS: Think I found it
You: cool
HeatherS: fsmogame.com
You: trying to pull that up now
You: how do you become a guide btw?
HeatherS: ok let me know
You: hmmm…it’s saying it can’t connect to that site
HeatherS: what is btw?
You: btw= by the way
HeatherS: it would not open for me either, but said membership info there/
You: interesting
HeatherS: you get invited by other guides
You: ahhh…cool deal
You: guides get paid?
HeatherS: Do you want me to keep searching?
HeatherS: Yes we do
You: sure
You: that’s cool
HeatherS: how about this site?
You: sweet…that had a link to the site with the membership info
You: it’s venganza.org
You: thank you.
HeatherS: Are these results sufficient?
You: yup
HeatherS: Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?
You: nah…think that should do it for now
HeatherS: Thanks for using ChaCha! I hope you had a great search experience!
HeatherS: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.
Status: Session ended.

Result: In a forum they had me go to the first post which had a link to the correct web site. Took about 6 links before she got it and still only in a round about fashion.

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Question: How to clean a dog’s anal glands?

Status: Looking for a guide …
Status: Connected to guide: PatriciaR
PatriciaR: Welcome to ChaCha!
PatriciaR: How may I help you?
You: hi there patricia. how are you doing today?
PatriciaR: I am fine, and you?
You: i’m well thanks
PatriciaR: Welcome.
PatriciaR: How can I help you on your search?
You: i just got a little poodle-yorkie mix and my neighbor said i need to make sure to clean out his anal glands on a regular basis
You: not sure how to do that though
You: or even what to try searching for
PatriciaR: Well this is an awkward search.
PatriciaR: one moment please.
You: sorry…wasn’t sure where else to turn
PatriciaR: True.
PatriciaR: Well my browsers are messed up.
PatriciaR: But..
You: didn’t realize therre was this much i didn’t know about owning a dog
PatriciaR: You may go to all the web and type in how to clean a dogs anal glands.
PatriciaR: Well honestly..
PatriciaR: They don’t NEED to be cleaned.
PatriciaR: I think they were pulling your leg.
You: oh they don’t?
You: hmmm
PatriciaR: I’ve owned alot of dogs and I’e never had to.
You: my neighbor is kind of an ass…so that is possible
PatriciaR: Their just like us.
PatriciaR: Oh i’m sorry..
PatriciaR: I wouldn’t listen to the neighbor.
You: not your fault
PatriciaR: ;p
You: okay…i’ll ignore him.
You: thanks
PatriciaR: Your welcome. Have a nice day!
PatriciaR: Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Session ended.

Result: No search results needed.

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Question: Don’t recall, but it doesn’t really matter with this guide.

Status: Looking for a guide …
Status: Guide not located.
Status: Looking for a guide …
Status: Connected to guide: JosephV
JosephV: Welcome to ChaCha!
JosephV: Suck it down, bitch.
You: LMAO
JosephV: This is John f’in Romero.
You: how it is john?
JosephV: What the f’ck do you want?
JosephV: I’m fine. I’m fine.
JosephV: Daikatana is hot sh’t.
You: ohhhh snap!
JosephV: Say what?
JosephV: Stop talking moonman language, bitch.
JosephV: Talk English, or John Romero will get p’ssed.
JosephV: I speak in the third-person too, so shut up.
JosephV: What do you want me to search for, my bitch?
JosephV: What the f’ck?
You: thats what im saying
JosephV: What do you want me to f’in do?
JosephV: Do I look like a f’in Supreme Court justice?
JosephV: I am guide, bitch.
JosephV: What the f’ck? John Romero isn’t asian bitch.
You: what? hold on a sec
You: thank you honerable Josheph for your impressions that have entertained me and brought me great honor
You: rememebr that
You: do you have stairs in your house?
JosephV: I once married an asian though, but that doesn’t make me an asian, bitch.
You: do you have stairs in your house?
JosephV: Of course I do.
JosephV: I’m John f’in Romero.
You: LMAO score!
JosephV: I’m the dood who made Doom and Daikatana.
You: somethingawful 4 life
JosephV: Are you going to be my search bitch or what?
JosephV: Bitch, stop talking about cryptic sh’t and answer me.
You: i think we both know you had me at “Are”
JosephV: What the f’ck?
JosephV: Are you from f’ckin Mars, dood?
You: JosephV I promise to sing your legend all across the mango boat!
JosephV: I don’t want you to sing, bitch.
JosephV: I want you to search.
You: can you search for another way for me spread your legend w/o singing, like interprative dance or something?
JosephV: If you want to spread my legend, buy a f’ckin copy of Daikatana.
JosephV: John Romero out.
JosephV: Thank you for using ChaCha!
Status: Session ended.

Result: BEST GUIDE EVER!